January 21, 2004

So, about that State of the Union. Bush mentioned that he wanted to go to the moon and mine it. This strikes me as sheer fantasy with our current technology level. But ignoring that, I think moon missions = good because I'm a nerd. Now, I'm not a Bush supporter by any stretch of anyone's imagination, but a lot of people seem to be saying "Oh no! Bush and his energy industry buddies want to exploit the moon! Aieee!" Well, here's my question: If you can't exploit the moon, what the fuck good is it? Would mining the moon affect tides on Earth? No. Would it endanger any species? No. Would it clear out any old growth forests? No. Would it exploit or otherwise globalizationize innocent people living there? No. So what's the problem?

I think asking people about mining the moon will be my new trick question. Ask people how they feel about it. If they're against it, ask them to give a single reason. As they stammer and fumble their response, tell them they're a knee-jerk reactionary.

In fairness to liberals, here's my trick question for hard-core Christians: If you don't believe Christ you go to hell. Do you go to hell if you never heard of Christ? If he answers "yes", tell them those people go to hell through no fault of their own so God sucks. If they say no, tell them it's in everyone's best interest to never hear about Christ at all, cause before you know, you're guaranteed to get into heaven. After you know, it's iffy. Then tell them it's a really stupid system and God sucks.

Bonus question: If you take the Bible literally, you believe in Noah's ark. So after the flood receeded, how did Noah get all the animals back to their respective continents? How did the polar bears get back to the Arctic?

There. I think that should offend just about everyone. My work is done.

-ATW