March 12, 2004
It's true. Jello packages really do warn you not to mix Jello with pineapple. The actual reason is because pineapple naturally contains bromelain enzyme, which dismantles the gelling agents in the Jello. So after letting the Jello cool overnight, you will find: pineapple chunks floating in Jelloid goo.
So if ever you're attacked by some hideous Jello Creature, throw pineapples at it. But make sure they're *fresh* pineapples, cause canned pineapples are heated prior to canning, and the process denatures the bromelain enzyme. So while you're throwing depleted pineappleium at the beast, it will laugh at you and absorb your body.
Of course, that's just the most important aspect of the impotent canned pineapples. Another, less salient point, is that you can mix canned pineapple with Jello and go on to lead a relatively normal life afterward.